A Joke Gone Too Far, Part One

Davenport and Goddard were in the middle of their usual morning fight when the kids came down for breakfast. "No, absolutely not," Davenport was saying. "You're cutting into my time with the students. Besides, at 1400 hours they're supposed to have their Saturnian History examinations!"

"So? They can take it when I'm through with them. But we've just entered a major gambling area of space, Ms. Davenport. And I want to get this ship out of here as soon as possible."

"You know, I'm surprised that you don't want to go to the Space Bar and ask for directions home." Davenport said a matter of factly. "You'd find some humanoid in there and grab a beer." Men and alcohol were a combination that went back in Earth's history for centuries.

Goddard looked at her scornfully. "I know that you think I'm a big action fan but I'm not willing to put this ship in danger under these circumstances." He said. "I know just as well as you do that this sector of space is filled with Spung and buddies of Reaver."

But Davenport wasn't paying any attention anymore. Goddard turned to see what she was staring at. The entire crew stood in front of the jump tubes. Rosie and Radu looked worried, Suzee looked disgusted, Bova looked bored and Harlan was wearing a mischievous smile on his face with his eyes turned inward. The adults knew that the daring oldest leader of the cadets was probably cooking up a practical joke.

For a few moments no one spoke. Then Rosie cried out, "Oh don't fight! Concentrate on the good in each other."

Bova rolled his eyes at her.

"How long have you been standing there?" Goddard asked, ignoring the smallest cadets.

"Long enough to hear most of your fight," Harlan said and laughed. "Except for Radu who heard all of it."

"You know, the Commander has a point," Suzee said to Davenport. "This area of space is dangerous. We should spend all of our time at the compost. Once we get to neutral territory, we'll resume our regular schedule."

Goddard looked at Davenport defiantly. Davenport felt her face go red with anger and embarrassment. "I don't have to take this," she told herself. "The crew will always stick up for the Commander since they're not interested in their studies." "I'll be in the class room," she said icily. "Anyone who's not there on time will get two demerits."

After breakfast, the crew walked down the corridors together. "You know," Harlan remarked. "I think we'd better do something to make Ms. Davenport lighten up."

Radu felt a chill go down his spine. Usually Harlan's ideas got the whole crew into trouble. "S-something dangerous?" he asked nervously.

Harlan laughed. "No man," he said. "Only the oldest trick in the book. We'll create a scary computer simulation program for Ms. Davenport to see and once she finds out that it's fake, she'll see that there's nothing to worry about out here. Remember when we did that while Cat was still on the Christa?"

Suzee rolled her eyes at him. "So this is how your dimension relieves some of its stress?" she asked sarcastically. "Creating scary holograms? Sound's pretty childish to me."

"It's not childish," Harlan snapped.

"I'm sorry to say but I agree with Suzee," Rosie said tentatively. "It sounds too dangerous for a practical joke. We got in trouble last time."

Harlan sighed in disgust at the girls' and Radu's seriousness. He turned to Bova. "Well how about you?" he asked him. "Surely you wanna play a practical joke on Ms. Davenport."

"Well if I did it would give me the feeling of contentment for awhile," replied Bova in a scientific drone. "But then when Ms. Davenport finds out the truth she'll probably guess whose responsible and make our lives more boring than before. So I don't think so. Besides in those moments when Ms. Davenport is screaming my mood would be too optimistic."

Harlan stopped and glared at all of them. "You are all the most boring wusses I have ever met in my life!" he shouted and stormed off.

Radu stared uncertainly after him. "Something tells me that he's still going to play that practical joke."

"You can say that again," replied Suzee.

After class that day everyone but Harlan was doing his or her usual thing. Radu and Rosie were playing Minbar Chess in the team room. Suzee was in the engine room, modifying technology on the Christa that was just fine to begin with. Bova was in the boys' bunkroom, working on his newest science project since he didn't have time to eat or sleep before his session with the crew, monitoring the ship. But Harlan was in the ComPost, talking with Thelma. "Thelma could you show me all of the images of Spung on this ship?" he asked excitedly. That would surely scare Ms. Davenport.

"Certainly Harlan," Thelma said. She called the Gizbot for a compupad and spent a few minutes jabbering away at the keys. Finally she said, "I have pulled an image of a Spung from the Christa's computer and transferred it to the view screen. Screen on."

On the screen, in front of a black background, appeared a moving image of a dangerous looking Spung.

"That's great!" Harlan said, growing more excited. "Could we change the background to one of- oh, let's say the ComPost?"

"Certainly." And with a few more moments of button pushing, it was done.

"Wonderful," Harlan said. Then he smiled wickedly. "I have an idea."

About 50 kilometers below the Christa, at an angle where her scanners could not detect it, sat the Space Bar. Many ships were docked onto its landing bays and one was the ship of Reaver, the Space Pirate.

Reaver and his companion Ubi sat with two Spung warriors, drinking and discussing a business agreement. "And why would we give you one of our killcruisers?" one of the warriors growled. "All the junk on your ship couldn't add up to an equal trade for it."

Reaver leaned towards him. "Well I haven't told you 'bout this one thing I got," he said intriguingly. "It's a scanner that can detect enemy ships from light years away. Are you willing to trade THAT for a killcruiser?"

The two warriors looked at each other and nodded. They thought that they had really cheated Reaver. They were wrong. Reaver was just bluffing. The scanner couldn't detect a ship from a kilometer away; its computers had a fatal virus in them. But Spung warriors weren't known for their intelligence.

"Ubi, go get the scanner," Reaver ordered to the tiger like alien sitting beside him. Ubi obeyed.

As Ubi boarded the ship, his own scanners started beeping in warning of an enemy ship. Ubi knew that this probably wasn't important. The ship's scanners had been much improved by stolen goods and could pick up readings from anywhere. And the signs showed that the ship was well above his ship and it didn't seem to swoop down so it could get drinks for its inhabitants. And even if it did, what was the harm? Just some more aliens, wanting a drink. But an instinct told him that the scanners weren't lying and he decided to check out the scene anyway.

He pushed onto the screen to make a picture of the ship appear. Immediately he saw and recognized the Christa. "Oh Reaver's gonna love this," he thought.

Ubi found Reaver going into detailed lies about the scanner. "We need to talk," he hissed into Reaver's ear.

"Excuse me," Reaver said dryly. "My companion and I have something we need to discuss in private." Reaver and Ubi walked to a secluded part of the bar. "What is it?" Reaver growled. "I was just finishing the agreement."

"Do you remember your long time enemy, Commander Seth Goddard?"

Reaver narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Yes…"

"Well his ship is only fifty kilometers above us."

Reaver's face lit up into a grin. "Oh it is, is it?" Ubi and Reaver spent the next fifteen minutes in that corner, discussing what to do about the Christa. Finally they came back to the table and Reaver said, "Gentlemen, I think I may have a better trade to discuss with you…"

There! Harlan punched the last sequence into his compupad. If all went according to plan, Ms. Davenport would get the scare of her life. "I am such a genius," he thought to himself.

It was right after lunch and Harlan was supposed to be at the ComPost with the rest of the crew. He promised Goddard that he'd be up there in two minutes. But he really wouldn't go up there until he saw Davenport fall for his trick.

Davenport walked angrily back to her quarters. According to the schedule that she wrote, the students WERE supposed to be with Goddard right now but not for the next three hours! The Saturnian History Examinations had been canceled and not yet rescheduled. Goddard promised her that they could take the exams during his time with the kids- right after they got out of this scepter. "They don't realize it but a stable education could help them out with more exciting activities!" thought Davenport. She stormed into her quarters and the doors closed jerkily, matching her mood. Harlan rushed to the doors, pushed a button to start his joke and awaited screams.

Inside the bunkroom, the view screen suddenly clicked on to portray a Spung in the Compost! Davenport screamed and was about to faint when the logical part of her brain remembered, "Wait. Seth and the students are in the Compost. The Spung would be outnumbered and captured. A practical joke!" she realized. Her suspicions were confirmed when the screen suddenly went off line and portrayed static and then the real Compost, the one with Goddard and the cadets in it. But… one was missing. The screen returned to static only after a second but Davenport realized immediately who wasn't present. His station was at the exact middle of the room. "Harlan!" She realized. "He was behind this prank!" Since the computer was off line, (something that Goddard and the students could fix,) she set off to find Harlan on her own.

But before she could even activate the doors, a pair of claws grabbed her. She screamed but the sound was cut off as she disappeared.

Harlan laughed for about five minutes. His plan had worked! He knew that Ms. Davenport could hear him and probably knew that he was responsible for the joke. He prepared for her to storm out of her room and lecture him. Nothing happened. Harlan leaned in to hear the sounds from the interior of the room. Silence.

"Ms. Davenport?" Harlan called, feeling foolish. "Aren't you gonna come out and lecture me?"

No response.

"She must be playing a joke on ME now!" Harlan thought. "The joke really did lighten her up!" "Oh, I get it," Harlan said aloud. "You're playing a practical joke on me. Very funny, Ms. Davenport." He walked through her doors to surprise her. And she was gone.

"No, this can't be," Harlan told himself as he began to panic. "Ms. Davenport is hiding." "Thelma!" he called.

Thelma appeared instantly by his side, surprising his anxious mind. "Don't DO that!" Harlan yelled, louder than intended.

Thelma wasn't hurt by his reaction to her presence; or if she was, she did not imitate human sensitivity. "Yes Harlan," was all she said.

"Where's Ms. Davenport?" his voice was shaking and he could no longer convince himself that this was a joke.

Thelma processed the question slowly as Harlan waited impatiently. "I am unable to access the location of Ms. Davenport," Thelma finally said. "She is no longer on board the Christa."

The session with Goddard was going smoothly until the computers went offline. There was static for a couple of seconds than one moment of a picture of Ms. Davenport in her quarters and then more static.

Goddard turned to Suzee. "What's going on here?" he demanded.

"I don't know!" Suzee said in exasperation. "One minute engineering was fine and the next minute it was offline!"

"Same with communications," Rosie said.

"Same with tactical," Bova grumbled. "Figures."

Radu sighed. "Same with navigation." He ran to Harlan's console and checked it out. "And helm."

Radu suddenly started hearing something out of the ordinary on another deck of the Christa. "I think I hear something," He put all of his concentration onto his hearing. "Ms. Davenport… screaming. Harlan talking about… a practical joke."

"Oh," Suzee said dryly. "So Harlan took the Christa's computer's offline so he could play a prank." She sighed in disgust. "I TOLD him that practical jokes were childish."

"Radu, Rosie, Bova, keep monitoring the Christa," Goddard said grimly. "Suzee, get the computers back online. I'll handle Mr. Band."

"Wait, I'm hearing something more!" cried Radu. He summarized Harlan and Thelma's talk into one sentence. "Thelma told Harlan that Ms. Davenport was no longer on the Christa!"

"B-but that's impossible!" stammered Rosie. "How could she just disappear?"

Suddenly Suzee had a terrible thought. Grabbing her compupad, she rooted it to the Christa's computers and began typing at an incredible pace. She gasped in horror. Her prediction was right. "Commander, the computer's are back online," she said upsettedly. "And I know what altered them." She took a deep breath. "An alien telemorphed onto the Christa."

"Oh shut up, lady." Reaver said scornfully. "You don't really think that that's gonna get you outta there, do ya?"

"W-hat am I doing here?" Davenport stammered.

"My pal Ubi telemorhed onto your ship and grabbed you." Reaver said smugly. "You're a ploy to draw Goddard and that kiddy crew to surrender to the Spung!"

"Oh good heavens," Davenport gasped and fainted.

Reaver laughed evilly. "All goes according to plan," he thought. "That annoying school teacher was definitely the best captive to pick. She has no powers so she can't escape and she'll probably be unconscious for the whole trip to Shank anyway!" Laughing again, he walked away.

"I know Mr. Band…" Goddard said distractedly. He seemed deep in thought. Finally he turned to Suzee and sighed. "It's no use," he said. "Many aliens have the power to telemorph. From that one fact, we can't narrow down who took Ms. Davenport."

Harlan was puzzled. "What telemorph?"

"Whoever took Ms. Davenport telemorhed onto the Christa," Suzee explained.

"How do you know?"

Suzee sighed in exasperation. She was still getting used to being the smartest one on the ship. "Because," she snapped. "Telemorphing requires the bending of time and space. You'd need all the power from your destination as you transport yourself. So temporarily, the computers at the destination go offline."

"Oh," Harlan said sheepishly.

"Commander!" Rosie suddenly cried out. "We're getting an incoming signal!" She pushed some buttons on her console. "Screen on."

The crew was horrified to see that Reaver had contacted them! "So we meet again, Goddard," Reaver said dryly. "And I believe that I have something that belongs to you." He turned to portray Davenport, still unconscious in her cell. "Surrender your ship and crew to the Spung Empire or she will die!" Reaver gave directions to their place of surrender and signed off with an evil laugh.

"Oh great. We're doomed." Bova said dully.

"Bova, shut up!" Goddard said irritatively. He could feel the cadets staring at him in surprise. But he was too panicked to care. He couldn't let this happen to TJ… "When we get to the killcruiser we'll take Ms. Davenport and leave at light speed." He said firmly. "We'll sneak aboard the ship and look for her in groups. "Rosie, Bova, you're together. So are Harlan and Suzee. Radu, you come with me."

The interior of all killcruisers was a dark shade of green but it was dimly lit as usual so the crew wore black to fade in. They had arrived in their groups and now split up, each wandering a different corridor.

But before Bova got a chance to move, he heard an explosive go off behind him. He spun around. A red tape explosive had gone off inches in front of Rosie's feet and she was now tied mouth to toe in red tape. Warlord Shank stood behind her.

Bova prepared himself to zap Shank but then he realized that Shank held his sceptor pointing at Rosie's side. He could practically HEAR the electricity flowing towards Rosie's body. "Don't even think about it, Uraisian," Shank hissed in agreement with Bova's forming thoughts.

So as Shank watched with an evil grin, Bova's antennas were tied with red tape and some guards carried him off.

"It's Rosie and Bova," Radu informed Goddard shakily. "They've been captured by Shank."

"Well let's find them," Goddard said briskly. Radu's infallible sense of direction led them straight to the spot of Rosie and Bova's capture but they were gone. "Oh great," Goddard mumbled in a Bova like mood. "Can you possibly hear their heartbeats?"

Radu concentrated very hard but was unable to do so. "All of the Spung heartbeats must be drowning theirs out."

"Well, where are they?" Goddard could hardly control his voice.

His question was answered when all of the view screens up and down the corridor turned on to portray a picture of Rosie and Bova tied up. Shank still held his sceptor to Rosie's side and Ubi held one of Reaver's stolen weapons to Bova's head. "Attention all members of the alien children's crew," Shank hissed. "It would be wise for you to turn yourselves in. For as you see, I have two more crewmates of yours who are likely to get killed if you don't surrender yourselves in thirty minutes. I'm sure that your commander, Goddard, remembers the interiors of my royal Spung killcruiser and can direct you miserable children to the dungeon." Shank laughed sinisterly as the screen clicked off.

There was a long pause. "What are we going to do now?" Radu finally asked.

Goddard wasn't about to give up. After all, he still had part of his crew, who portrayed stregnths and powers. Maybe they could still overpower the Spung. "Hook up with Suzee and Harlan," he said briskly. "Then we'll go to the dungeon room. We can still save Rosie, Bova and Ms. Davenport."

Suzee nodded her head in total agreement. "But we still have to save them," she told Harlan firmly. "So let's go to that dungeon room. Probably the Commander and Radu are waiting for us there."

"Hey, I'm the one who gives orders!" Harlan accused.

Suzee gave him the scornful eye. "So what are you saying? That the rest of the crew is dumb? I mean, come on now, Harlan. I'm the genius."

"Oh, and THAT'S not calling the rest of the crew dumb," Harlan muttered and Suzee walked onward. "Hey, wait for me!" He called after her.

Soon they got to the airlock. "Wo," Harlan breathed. "Do you know what this reminds me of? Boarding the Christa for the first time."

"Me too," Suzee agreed.

"You weren't THERE when we first boarded the Christa," Harlan snapped.

"Yes I was!" Suzee said scornfully. "I was walking right next to Catalina. You just couldn't see me because you thought I was imaginary!"

"I couldn't see you," Harlan said dryly, "Because you lived in another dimension."

Suzee was about to say something back, but then the logical part of her brain reminded her, "This fighting isn't going to get you anywhere." Suzee sighed. "Harlan, let's stop this feud. The important thing right now is getting through that airlock and rescuing Bova and Rosie."

"Right," Harlan had to agree. So they proceeded through the airlock.

"Tell me about it," Suzee agreed. Then a thought occurred to her. "Harlan? How are we supposed to get to this dungeon? I mean we don't know where it is."

"Yeah," Harlan said unhappily but then cheered up. "But the Commander knows! And he's with Radu! Even if we whisper his name, he'll hear us, wherever he is! We can tell him where we are and the Commander and him can come and find us!"

"Yeah," Suzee said doubtfully. "But he can't hear us if he's on the other side of the airlock." (Radu couldn't possibly hear through the vacuum of space, made safe for travel only by the element that made up air.) Suzee shuddered. "And he can't help us if he's captured."

"Harlan, Suzee?" A familiar voice called. "Is that really you?"

Harlan and Suzee turned to the sound of the voice and saw Elmira standing by a nearby corridor. She was gaping at them. "What are you doing out here in the open? There are guards everywhere! You'll surely get caught."

"We're going to the dungeon to save Rosie and Bova," Harlan said boldly.

"Shh! Quiet! You can't go there! It's a trap! My father will definitely execute you all!"

"I'm not afraid," Harlan said accusingly, stepping towards her. "I'm nearly a Star D-"

"Quiet!" Elmira interrupted. Footsteps were coming towards them. "It's a guard! Quickly, come with me! You can hide in my room!"

Harlan was about to protest but Suzee grabbed his arm and said, "Just shut up and listen for once in your life. Shank will more likely listen to his daughter than to us anyway." With that, she followed Elmira, dragging Harlan with her.

Suzee, Harlan and Elmira ran down many corridors that were clearly Elmira's private quarters. The design was still royal but Elmira added some of her modesty to it, along with some feminine style. Finally they reached Elmira's room, rushed inside and locked the door behind them. They were silent for a moment, trying to catch their breaths.

"That was close," Suzee finally gasped.

"What were you thinking?" asked Elmira. "Your whole crew would get executed if you went to that dungeon."

"Well, what could we do?" Harlan asked accusingly. "Hide like cowards? Soon the Spung would execute Bova and Rosie!"

"Not if I was there!" Elmira glared at Harlan. "I have more of a chance of stopping my father than you do."

"Well we didn't know that you were around!" Harlan snapped. More quietly he added, "We just wanna watch out for our crew."

Elmira sighed, knowing that he was right. If they hadn't run into each other, Suzee and Harlan would not know that Elmira was on board the ship, or knew of Bova, Rosie and Davenports' capture. And they couldn't just leave their crew to the mercy of her father. "You're letting your worries get in the way of your good judgement," she told herself firmly. Out loud, she said, "Well at least you're safe now. Where are the Commander and Radu?"

"Don't know. Looking for us, probably." Harlan said.

"Well, I've got to help them. I don't want them to get hurt. Don't worry about getting caught in here. No one is allowed in here without my or my father's permission. And with this new capture on his hands, Father won't think for one second about me." She turned to go.

"Hey Elmira," Harlan called. She faced him. "We know that you and Radu have a thing for each other." Elmira blushed so deeply that red showed on her skin at the Earther's straight forwardness and left.

Meanwhile, on the other killcruiser, Radu had given up listening for Harlan and Suzee's heartbeats. "It's no use, Commander," Radu said. "All the heartbeats on this killcruiser are Spung. They must've gone through the airlock."

"Fine," Goddard said. "We will proceed to the royal killcruiser."

"Commander, I think I hear something," Radu said. He listened very hard and reported, "It's a Spung guard! Heading this way!"

"Let's get out of here, Mr. Radu!" Goddard and Radu ran through the airlock and down many corridors and bumped straight into Elmira.

"Commander Goddard, Radu!" She gasped. "I'm so glad I've found you! Come, let's go to the safety of my room. I'll make my father give up Rosie, Bova, and Ms. Davenport. Meanwhile you'll be safe with Harlan and Suzee. They're already there."

Radu was so surprised and happy to see Elmira that he couldn't think of anything to say. "We were on our way to the dungeon," he finally squeaked. "We were running from a guard. If we got caught, we'd end up in the same location but we'd rather get there on our own free will." Radu shut his mouth firmly before he could go babbling on.

"Well, it would be safer if I talked to Father," said Elmira. "I'll take you to my room."

Suddenly a hiss sounded from behind the group. They spun around. Shank stood behind them. "So my ungrateful daughter is now helping enemies of the Spung Empire," he growled. Guards appeared at Shank's side as he gave out orders. "Take these intruders and the Serola to the dungeon."

Suzee glared at him. "No way, Harlan," she said. "Elmira was right. If we go there, we might hurt the crew's chances of getting out of here alive."

"Well, I still think we should go," Harlan said incisively. "We might be the only ones not captured."

"If you go, you're going without me," Suzee said stubbornly.

Harlan walked over to her and took her shoulders gently. "Don't you understand?" he asked, softer than before. "I might need your help. Your genius, your telepathic skills, they're unmatched. Please come with me."

Suzee sighed. She still agreed with Elmira but what Harlan said had a point. "All right," she said. "Let's go."

In the dungeon, Shank had already taken his place behind Rosie. Grinning, he watched as the guards herded Goddard, Radu and Elmira in with the butts of their weapons. Radu had been forced to come the same way Bova had; if he tried to make an escape, a crew mate, (Goddard in this case,) would die.

"Warlord Shank?" one of the guards asked timidly. "How long should we hold the Serola captive?" He hated to treat royalty- even traitorous royalty, in this fashion.

"Until I am done with these space children," growled Shank. "Let the Serola stay and see what happens to those who turn against the Spung Empire."

"Where's that miserable Earther and that telepathic brat?" demanded Ubi, still stationed behind Bova.

"You can't trick us into telling you," Goddard said boldly.

"Oh we can't, can we?" asked Shank. His sceptor, only two inches away from Rosie and pointing at her, began to glow.

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